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The moment parents cradle babies, life becomes ultimately blissful. The little human snug in their arms becomes someone so precious in their lives; they wish nothing more but perfect parenthood.
Is there such a thing as perfect parenthood?
When society constantly reminds us that nobody is perfect, why are parents typically expected to be perfect? The answer is straightforward enough. It seems mindless to even ask. Society expects nothing less than perfection from parents because they’re caring for someone yet to learn how to protect themselves. They’re rearing children who are yet to develop consciousness and awareness. Those that are deemed the future of the world.
However, with such a broad and vague expectation of perfection, how can parents truly encapsulate it? How is perfect parenthood even quantified or defined? And if they can’t reach or surpass what society expects from them, does that imply they’re not suitable to be parents?
The Pressure for Perfection
Diamonds are made under pressure.
This quote is what people use to encourage themselves when times get rough, that they’ll overcome the pressure they’re under, and once they do, success will follow – the best of the best. But does the same apply to parenthood? Will parents thrive and become the tokens of perfect parenthood when everyone’s eyes are on them, judging and measuring their every move?
In an era where everyone can glimpse into another’s life, unsolicited opinions are everywhere. Yet, often these opinions are merely derivative of what other people have seen elsewhere. Is someone letting their children eat chocolates when they’re imposing a strict diet? This behavior deserves reprimanding. When people encounter behavior that doesn’t align with their beliefs, it becomes easy to condemn it when they’re merely photos and words on a screen.
Nobody knows the secret to perfect parenthood, for there isn’t any. But as long as they have the space to speak, people will grab the chance to express their opinions. Parent shaming is gradually becoming the new normal. And this makes parents critical of their behaviors, spiraling down toward skepticism of their roles in parenthood.
The Perfection in Imperfections
In Lynda Drake’s book The Power of Imperfect Parents, the author shares her experience mothering three children with different diagnoses and disabilities. When parenthood is challenging, Lynda is thrust into a tougher position having children who need more attention and love.
Yet, Lynda embraced her imperfections instead of cowering away from society’s demand for perfect parenthood. She understood how unjust it is for parents to be expected the mastery of parenthood at first implementation. Lynda learned to work through committing mistakes and learning from them without questioning her worth as a mother.
Love is rarely ever perfect.
Nobody expresses their love perfectly on the first try. Instead, it will always be a trial-and-error process. But that’s precisely what makes love precious and sincere; the sheer determination to work through inexperience and the enduring process of learning about someone. It’s turning questions and wonder into love and affection, mistakes into learning steps to be a better part of someone’s life. Such is also applicable in parenthood.
Perfect Parenthood is Fantasy
Such imperfection in parenting reflects how natural the process is.
Nobody is born a parent. Sure, some may have a natural affinity for parenthood. They may have maternal or paternal instincts, allowing them to care for children naturally. But this doesn’t automatically mean parenthood will be a piece of cake for them.
Although it’s easy for parents to question how good they are in their roles whenever they commit mistakes, they must remember there’s no such thing as perfect parents. While the intention regarding perfection is pure, it will only cause more harm if pursued. Every parent wants to be the epitome of perfection for their children. They want to give them nothing less than the best resources and treatment. But if parents believe they will achieve excellence, guilt will consume them if they fail.
If they believe in everything thrown at them from their screens and welcome doubts about the quality of their parenthood, they will only become worse parents. The more they let these words influence them, the more they will change their behaviors to please others. Thus, the more they seek this perfect parenthood, the more they’ll end up on the contrary.
The Truth About Perfect Parenthood
Imagine believing and following another person’s advice over one’s instincts and choices. Children won’t ever experience genuine care and affection coming from their parents. Instead, they will be exposed to a blueprint, a systematic process of parenthood.
When society begins quantifying or labeling processes, it’s only trying to create a uniform and universal process. But universal doesn’t mean it works on everyone. Parents know their children better than anyone. Hence, perfect parenthood doesn’t have to come from others’ validation. Their children’s happiness should be enough measure for it.